We have been doing this podcast since 2009 and along the way we have created, stolen and borrowed many sayings, inside jokes and other obscure references that come up time and time again. In the spirit of keeping newer listeners in the fold, and keeping the memory of the older ones sharp, here's a list of people, sayings and other nonsense during the episodes. We hope this will help you enjoy the podcast even more, although we aren't exactly holding our breaths.
in no particular order...
THINGS WE SAY often
Friend of the Podcast
Through the years many riders and celebrities have been labeled as "friends of the podcast" although we can't think of one that actually is. All it takes is for them to make an ID, be nice to Klaus when he's in Begium, take a photo with the SK (he's creepy), respond to one of our tweets, like an Instagram post, etc. Current friends of the podcast include Jetse Bol, Koen de Kort, Taylor Phinney, Gracie Elvin, Abby Mickey, Juan Angtonio Flecha, Rob Hatch, Esteban Chaves, Iris Slappendel, Diana Peñuela, Laura Meseguer, and many others. None of them know who the hell we are.
This came out of the Colombian media years ago. They reported Carlos Betancur had been diagnosed with "Cytomegalovirus," which is some sort of herpes. Around that time he was going through some knee problems. Being that we are masters of comedy, we simply combined both unrelated conditions into one. Of course, Knee herpes is not a real disease, as far as we know.
"Sagan would have won that sprint, but he has a bad case of knee herpes"
Another one of SkullKrusher's peculiar obsessions, he brings up Annemiek van Vleuten's eyelashes all the time and refers to them as 'magical.' We can't blame him. Have seen those things? They ARE magical!!
This refers to Mike* putting team jerseys in his freezer and waiting for them to become ‘classic’ or cool because they are retro. At some point Mike instagrammed a pic of an AG2R jersey in his freezer. This whole thing has also coined the term ‘freezer-worthy’ referring to jerseys that are nice enough to save for posterity.
Mike* and SkullKrusher both dislike (not hate) CX and both claim to have come up with this one. Well, whomever came up with it it’s brilliant analogy. Putt Putt golf is to real golf what cyclocross is to real cycling. Obstacles, "cookie" atmosphere, silly costumes… All in order to make it “fun.”
The 4th Grand Tour
First mention of the 4th Grand Tour in the podcast was episode 23 in May 2011, obviously making fun of Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen’s insistence that either the Tour of California, or the Tour Down Under (depending on who’s paying them at the time) is the 4th Grand Tour.
Old Willunga Hill
Nothing against Australia at all. The Tour Down Under may be a legitimate race, but in their attempt at making it way more than it actually is, they (mostly Paul and Phil) love shoving the Old Willunga Hill down our throats and making it sound like it's the goddam Gavia Pass. The thing is 3k, with 200m of elevation. C’mon. In a real race it wouldn’t be categorized. Here, it’s the star of the Queen Stage. Ugh.
A relatively new one (2017), Abu-Dhabi Doo is the punch line of one the worst jokes ever told in the podcast. So bad we won’t even bother re-telling here. Klaus told it and SkullKrusher cried from laughter. Seriously. He literally (using literally literary here) did.
Signature greeting of Hank Kingsley in The Larry Sanders Show, later popularized by Howard Stern in his radio show. Why do we say it all the time? Well, TV announcers mispronounce both Henao’s last name constantly as “Hey-now.” The correct pronunciation is closer to “Eh-nah-o.” "It was a boring race until Hey Now! attacked."
This one goes way, way back. Mike started saying “Jesus Hernandez!” in place of plain “Jesus!” Jesus Hernandez being a long time domestique of Alberto Contador, all the way to the Liberty Seguros days. At some point in like 2010 we made Jesus Hernandez shirts, stickers and mugs. Seriously. They didn't sell well. Maybe 1 or 2 shirts.
This one came from Ryder Hesjedal's comments about the Tour de France one year. He described it as “Coconuts.” Mike* quickly adopted it.
"Did you see that cow on the course of the TT? Holy Coconuts, that was crazy!"
100% Klaus. Once again a combination of the common expression "oofa!" with the added "woofa" from the children's song "Oofa Woofa Loofa"
"I couldn't watch the replay of that crash. Oofa Woofa, that was scary."
Check Your Facts Assholes!
A reader sent us an angry email in 2013 claiming we didn’t know what we were talking about. Well, duh. We read the email in the podcast. He quoted some dumb thing we had said and then blessed us with the correct information. He closed his email with the words we (and many listeners) have repeated over and over again, like a mantra: CHECK YOUR FACTS ASSHOLES!
“The least professional, least knowledgeable, least informed podcast”
Yet another gem from a listener. This one from a comment on an inrng post. The quote was that we were “the least professional, least knowledgeable, but funniest and most engaging podcast.” Hey, we’ll take it. It’s pretty much true.
On episode 53, January of 2013, SkullKrusher became a drunk Alex Trebek as we played Cycling Jeopardy with Klaus, Mike* and podcast regular Maiko as the contestants. One of the categories was “Funny Names” and Lithuanian Ignatas Konovalovas was the $1000 answer. Maiko nailed it and asked if she was getting the prize in US dollars or Lithuanian dollars. The term stuck.
As you can probably imagine the SkullKrusher's antics and big mouth have gotten him in plenty in trouble with HR departments is many jobs. A few years ago he shared the details of a certain incident and Mike has been “calling HR” on him ever since every time he says something inappropriate, which is very often. Natalia has taken the job since Mike left.
"SK: I hate midgets! - Mike: I'm calling HR!"
Mike used to say this every time anything is said that could be considered in ANY way racist, xenophobic, classist, sexist, homophobic, ageist... even if it's not. He continues to say it, but a as a sample. A drop, if you will.
At all. "Klaus: Colombians don't like Mexican food - Mike: That's racist"
Hans the Eagle
During the Tour de Suisse 2017, the helicopter camera showed an eagle, or a hawk or some stupid bird. While the camera was focused on the damn thing a cry (the real name of the sound an eagle makes) came out of the speakers of our laptop. WHAT? That thing was really far away from the helicopter! The only thing those shitty mics pick up is the sound of the helicopter! So, that leads us to the following, logical, question... someone in the TV production of the Tour had a sample, or drop, of an eagle cry cued up and ready to go. WHY?! Anyway, we named the eagle Hans. Cuz it's Swiss. That's racist.
Apparently the SkullKrusher has way too much time in his hands and watched 10 years worth of classics and semi-classics narrated by Phil and Paul and took out every single piece of non-sense those two said. It was a lot of non-sense. The most infamous of these is the compilation of Paul repeating year after year, after year, after year, that as far he’s concerned the Tour of Flanders starts at the Oude Kweramont. The audio clip has been played every year around RvV time since 2012.
Better than Klaus
One of the most famous phrases in the podcast, actually started as “better than Mike.” Every episode SK would ask Mike how he was doing, he’d answer “I’m doing well” or something similar, and once Klaus was asked his response was always “better than Mike.” After some time SK starting reversing the order and Mike was able to say “better than Klaus.” For whatever reason that one stuck.
RIDERS WE BRING UP A LOT. almost always to make fun of them.
After having two amazing years with AG2R, Betancur disappeared amongst a cloud of rumors. When he emerged from his "sabbatical" he had a contract with Moviestar and more than a few pounds of padding, which earned them the SkullKrusher nickname "Winnie the pooh." He's been lurking in the shadows since, leading to the rare, but always welcome "Betancur sighting."
Poor Haussler is the victim of Klaus’ ridicule very often. His near-win in Milan-Sanremo in 2009 was the highlight of his career. It’s been all downhill from there. The guy had so much promise, but lost a monument by 2 inches. We often pretend we don’t remember who he is.
The Schleck Brothers
Another couple of riders that we pretend to not remember since their decline after the 2010 season. It doesn’t help that Philippe Gilbert made them look like complete fools in the 2011 Liège–Bastogne–Liège.
The SkullKrusher really hates Sagan. While he admits that he’s an amazing cyclist, he cannot forgive him for what he calls the Holy Trinity of Sins. 1. When told he was being compared to Sean Kelly, Sagan said he didn’t know who Kelly was. 2. Manbun. 3. The butt-grabbing incident and his overall douchebaggery when it comes to women. In the podcast, Sagan sets the dbag standard.
Retired Italian rider and now RAI Sport announcer, whose eyebrows are legendary.
Pippo Pozzato/Luca Paolini
This one is 100% Mike. If you wanna understand why he’s obsessed with them, just follow them on Instagram. You can follow Mike, too, I guess.
What can we say about this dude? He's been giving us plenty to talk about (and laugh at) since the beginning of the podcast. We haven't discussed him much lately, but the first 40 episodes or so have at least one Cipollini reference. The first t-shirt we made for the podcast featured signor Cipo.
We don't poke fun at the dude much anymore, but we are such assholes. We just like making fun of riders who almost made it. Tyler has the added bonus of having been the spokesman for Transition Glasses and was in an amazingly ridiculous TV commercial.
It's Chris Horner, how can you NOT make fun of the dude!
other RANDOMS WE REFERENCE
Mike was a co-host of the podcast from episode 10 or so, all the way to 170-something. An integral part of the show. We miss him everyday, but at least we hear him at least once every episode... Valverde. That's racist. Yup. Nope.
Ira Glass, Click and Clack (the Tappet brothers), Kai Ryssdal, The Splendid Table, Science Friday
We are huge nerds. All these references (and more) come from NPR (National Public Radio). To you Brits, Aussies and others just imagine liberal, snobby radio. We love it.
An American composer, who's apparently a huge deal. Klaus started bringing him because Glass lives across the street from Mike. For real.
TV commentator for Eurosport. His Spanish and Spanish pronunciation is flawless. Plus he's read multiple tweets by us on the air over the years. SkullKrusher has been in touch with him about an interview (SK interviewing him, not the other way around), but Rob keeps blowing him off. Wouldn't you?
Grumpy ex-commentator for Eurosport who was unceremoniously dismissed in 2013. Before that, tho, SK and Harmon had some mighty twitter wars. They did not like each other.
Paul and Phil
Everyone knows who these guys are. What they may not know is that they are clueless and have been out-of-it for about 20 years. These two have no idea WTF they are talking about and make Carlton Kirby sound like a genius. they are a caricature of what they were 35 years ago. Sad and hilarious.
Alessandra De Stefano
Alessandra is a cycling commentator on Italian TV (RAI) and hostess of Il Processo Alla Tappa. RAI's after-the-stage show. SK finds her very attractive and has referred to her as an "older, more sophisticated Hemione Granger."
The Closing Song
The song is from a kids' Japanese show from the ’70s called Kure Kure Takora. SkullKrusher is obsessed with weird Japanese shows from the ‘70s and ‘80s and he thought it would be an annoying song to use.
The title of each episode usually comes from a quote actually said during the podcast. For whatever reason most titles come from quotes by Klaus. Actually, the first episode to ever have a title that came from a quote was episode 24 “Pumpkin on Stilts,” a Klaus quote. That was in June of 2011.